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Survival Guide to Online Dating

Updated: Nov 15, 2021

Here we are. We've made it. To the fun stuff, at least. Let's take a brief break from the life advice, and learning how to find a positive outlook on the world around us, and let's talk about something that really matters.


Online dating.


Shit, I'm sorry. Let me correct myself... dating apps.


I know this is pathetic, and actually kind of comical, but I'm proud to say this is one of my personal areas of expertise. Dating apps BABY!! I became a part of this world when Tinder was new and at its prime. I believe it's now time for me to pass along my wisdom to others. Consider this my early Christmas present to you - Mazeltov.


First and foremost: let's talk about why you should do it. And really quickly, if you aren't already on dating apps, I'm talking to you specifically.


Reason #1: why would you not? Especially in today's society, where a pandemic is literally taking over our normal lives, the best and only way to meet new people is online. Now let me tell you WHY you won't do it. Forewarning - I'm right.


a.) You're embarrassed. Don't lie, because it's true. You think people you know in real life will find your profile on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge or whatever else and it'll cause an awkward encounter the next time you see them. This is so not true. First of all - everyone that has the ability of finding you on a dating app, already has a dating profile of their own. Therefore, they literally won't, and don't have any room to judge you anyways. Also, this is just not the case. I've come across friends, acquaintances, ex-boyfriends, my friend's ex-boyfriends, current boyfriends, my friend's current boyfriends, and so many more people I know on dating apps. You know what came from that? Nothing (unless it was one of my current boyfriends, or a friend's boyfriend. That doesn't need explaining). More often than not, I would go out of my way to even "swipe right", or match with the person that I know. It's almost like a fun little game to play. Is this going to give us something to laugh and bond over later, or is this going to cause a serious sexual tension moment between the two of us because neither person knows if the other is serious about matching or not. Fun shit honestly.


b.) You think you're too good for dating apps. You want to casually bump into a beautiful stranger while walking down the vegan grocery aisle at Trader Joe's, so that you have a cute story to tell your kids one day. You know what I think about that? Too story-line.


You know what's an even cooler story to tell your kids? That you met mom/dad on a dating app while being thousands of miles apart from one another. To this day, no one knows how you two even had the CHANCE to meet because it wouldn't have fallen within the distance range setting on the app. Maybe it was just meant to be? Maybe it's Maybelline?


I don't have a reason 'c' for why you wouldn't want to join in the dating app community, so let's move on. Since I don't have a need for my own profile anymore anyways, I'll tell you everything you need to know, based on my personal opinion at least.


Casey's Tips & Tricks for pulling the winners:


1. Know what you want.

Now, if you're looking to attract straight men, there's really nothing fancy that you need to do. Men are trash, we all know this. They will see a hot picture, and will instantly 'swipe right' without any further context. However, you need to decide what you're looking for beforehand. I say this lightly, because you never know what's coming your way. From personal experience, you typically find the people you're meant to meet when you're not actively searching for them. With that said, you can't be on the hunt for your future husband/wife when your profile is set up to look like a hookup ad. Be mindful of what you say about yourself. If you have certain values or morals that mean alot to you, add this to your bio (in a casual way.) For example: my bio for the longest time was "God is first and good style matters". Two very different, but very important things for me personally when looking for the guy I choose to spend my time on. I know my priorities ok.


2. Be funny.

Bouncing off of my previous section, you HAVE to add a bio to your profile. I don't care if you think you're the least funniest person on this planet, or if you have no earthly idea what to put, this factor is so important. Men - I don't want to see just a snapchat username, and PLEASE for the love of God do not put a sexual pick up line. Cut that shit out. Women - don't just put your instagram handle. Your followers don't define you, and they already know what you look like based on your photos. Cut that shit as well. Whether you make a joke, hint to your personal level of sarcasm, or even say "I don't know what I'm doing here", just please add something. This exhibits a level to your personality that you don't realize. You can literally weed the weirdos, the fakes, and the bad eggs out just by finding someone that blends well with your humor right off the bat.


3. Realize it takes time.

I've been active on dating apps (almost all of them) for four years now. During that time, there were plenty of periods when I wasn't on them at all, like if I was in a relationship, getting over a breakup, or honestly just sick and tired of it. Majority of the time, I went on these apps to provide myself with a mental break. I would swipe, and swipe, and swipe until I literally fell asleep at night, just to never message those people again. Often, it was just for fun. Like I mentioned before, it's almost like a game you can play with others. However, that doesn't mean it doesn't work. In the past four years, I only ever physically met up with six people that I matched with. One of them is still one of my best guy friends to this day, three of them were one or two-time dates that went nowhere. One of them, I ended up dating on and off for about a year and a half. Although that ended eventually, it still taught me a whole lot, and was a great ride along the way. And the last one I met, ended up being the best thing that has happened to me yet. It simply takes time.


4. Be bold

This statement reminds me of that scene from 13 Going on Thirty, when Jenna is in the closet chanting "I wanna be 30. Thirty and flirty and thriving...". Be Jenna. You don't need to be 30, but you should be thirty and thriving. These are your prime years, dude. Decide what you want - whether it's a casual hookup, a fling, or your soulmate, and go after it with full force. Why shouldn't you?


In conclusion... dating apps are like a magical little time portal. It's a place to be a bolder person of yourself - if you want that, but also a place with endless opportunities. You want to go on Tinder 'Passport' and meet someone from Germany for the cultural switch, and the hell of it? Do it. You want to find a date to that wedding you have coming up? Do it. You're having a bad day, and want to match with a bunch of people asking them to send you their stupidest joke to brighten your day? Fucking do it. A) You literally having nothing to lose (no more excuses like we talked about earlier). B) At it's very least, it's entertaining, a way to meet new people, and a way to distract yourself from any other stressors you may be dealing with. And C) You literally never know what may come from it. I say that from lots of experience,... good and bad... I wouldn't take an ounce of it back.


P.S. I'm sitting on a plane right now, wrote this post spontaneously and totally off the vibe I was going for. I have another blog post in the works, but past that, I now have no godly idea what to write about. If you're feeling spunky and want to pass along some ideas via the chat, I'm all ears and would love any bit of feedback you guys have to share :)


Stay safe my buttercups, and Happy Halloween. I love you all so very much, and am always here if you need an ear. MUAH xx



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